Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Choices and tasks to be done.

I've been searching for the past few days for that passion I've lost and I seem to have found it today or rather I think I realized certain points about the things that I've been searching for. To me, earthly matters never matter much, they are like pieces of chocolates for one to enjoy, that is pretty much all.

I don't own a Blackberry or an Iphone, nor do I strive for branded goods. One of the things that I feel that I've always been searching for is my own style. I don't like to see someone having something that I've got. I'm super anal about that.

I've set aside time to with some issues and until I get on track with my new job, I'm still keen on finding my own peace and quiet.

I was still finding out why I set myself down, to get certain things done. I've found some reasons to keep me cool. It was almost like my soul was so broken and no one could understand- this includes myself.

I find that I resort to so many ways to avoid how I really feel. I keep on putting in and adding on other emotions that aren't mine. The worst part? I'm getting used to it. I think all these pretending made me tired.

I stop putting on make-up now because I feel tired and thank god for my current working environment. I stop smiling as much now because I feel tired and I don't wanna pretend anymore. I lost the reason to why I smile. All this is eating up soul up so slowly like maggots to a pie.

I guess I'm really have so much pride eh? Even if I'm hurt, I'll refuse to say it out because why? Because I'm strong enough to take care of myself and that's how it is. I can never afford to be reliant now.

"All my pride is all I have".

Sorry that I've been selfish, sorry that I just can't let you in now, sorry that I don't tell you how I really feel at times because I feel insecure when I'm weak and I hate people around.

Sidenote: To Momma, 3 years without you has been hard but I will continue to move on and be strong! I miss you.

R.I.P. 26/10/2007

Monday, October 11, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love.

Initially, I wanted to or rather, I was actually deciding on whether to do a review. Then, I just kinda strike it off because it is just unnecessary.

As you guys already know, this is by Elizabeth Gilbert, that is the only reference that I'm gonna tell ya. So if you have no idea about what the hell I'm talking about, shoo off.

I find this movie meaningful personally because it agrees with my prinicipals. Enjoy what you have and screw up, but be fine with it. Smile from within. Jump into the unknown.

I was still trying to figure out the difference between my trips and for some weird reason, I've been rating it against exposure. This goes against my theory of "things can never happen over again" idea, hence I was unable to comprehend it and gauge it because it was too far off.

I guess the worst thing was; I had expectations. I have hoped that things remain as it was in my memories. Naive me. I had the innate ability to adapt but also to observe, but not this time.

I thought that I was more exposed to everything, maybe I really was but a part of me held back.

The more I was trying to find "freedom" or to enjoy the moment, the more I had control, the more I thought. There was so much on my mind that brought over.

I'm glad to say, I smiled more. I smile so much than I ever could. Was that the balance? I'm not sure.

Within the last few days, so many things have happened. I became grateful of the things I have around me, I am more appreciative now.

That's good. for me. for now.