Monday, June 28, 2010

I get don't get it.

Why is it that at the end of the day, when you are truely upset; it is always the some other guy who walks around RANDOMLY asks, "How's your day?" that makes you smile? It just does not make any fucking sense, the equation just don't add up. Do guys love doing that? RANDOMLY asking girls "How are you?" so that maybe sometime in the week, they hope to score her?

It is so fucked up. And why are women so emotional? Is it because we are made that way? I really hate the fact that I hope, because it always kills me. I went to take an aura photo yesterday and other than sharing it with people who understood it, I wanted someone else to know. It's killing me but I know that I have to do it.

I am also sick of the fact that everyone of us; ladies, we are constantly asking ourselves what went wrong, and puts it on self-blame. It really will damage our self-esteem in the long run. That's why we end up so insecure in next relationship, because of our emotional bagguage. It tugs us so down that when try to be up about it, we will only sink lower at the end of the day. It's heavy so maybe that's why we feel breathless when the next relationship comes.

And why is it that when guys are concerned, they just stalk them whenever they can, ideally online? I know that there at least two guys who constantly checks on what I write and it irks me. It's like what my ex said, that is only care and concern that I can give right now, knowing how you are doing for the time being.

Seriously, WTF for? So what if you do know if I am happy, upset or hungry (intended) ? How is it going to be beneficial to you when the information is one way? Or is it the fact that it satisfies your curiosity that made you smile? Guys just take in information and women willingly give it, who is at the losing end? US.

I guess I'm just tired of being upset at the end of the day. I want to feel like smiling is not a chore, but something that comes from the heart. I think when I was searching for that Joanne 3 years back; I was searching for that sincere smile I found in Cambodia. That was when someone looked at me with my short, long-tailed hair style, my specs, and t-shirt and tribal pants and said that "You are beautiful" that stirred me up. It also made me realized that we remembered things more when we are down.

When you are happy, you don't think so much about it, you just smile and enjoy it. But when you are mad or upset, you remember it best. It makes you think a whole lot, to gather points to, make references to and it makes you want to understand the situation which ideally in the first place was not meant to be understood, that's why we got so bewildered by it.

I really don't know how I feel now; everything was clear and now it's blurred.

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